I was about to rant to Kari tonight, about life and how I feel. She's the only one I've felt like I can come to lately. But I shouldn't dump my bullshit on her. I should adopt the not talking about it policy.
Tomorrow is the first day of my new job. It may suck. I have low expectations in this world these days. Hell I think when theres nothing to make me sad and happy, I go numb. When I'm sad I can turn things around, I can use all my energy to become the most positive man that I know. However whats the price? Chronic meltdowns. Fuck that right? Then there's being numb.
When you're numb. Life does not matter. In any shape or form.
Right now I just feel like I'm getting my shit together. Just for the hell of it. But do I really care?
I shouldn't go to Kari as much, I can't use her as a scapegoat. And she's not mine. I need to avoid convincing myself that she is. I know a part of her cares and I care back. But I cant substitute her to be my woman.She's taken and doesn't even live here. I'm not 18. So tomorrow I'm gonna go ahead and get my shit together. And do something with that off time, to make being alive worth while.
